Mixed emotions on Eid, heartbroken???

I do not mean to write so much but a lot happened today. Some I can write about the others I shouldn't write.

Eid was good. Alhamdulillah. I had to go visit alot of people, some were pleasent others not to so much. I was really sad at parts and really angry too. But in few minutes I got over it. Except one thing, well two. One left me sad because of my dad, other...I am in shock, a little heartbroken and it is time for me to wake up. I am not sure if I am allowed to be sad.

I will really miss Ramadan . During Ramadan I stayed away from dbsk which was extremely hard. As soon as I came home I watched some Micky and Changmin videos ^^.

Overall today was a fun day. I went organic shopping. Got my magic cream if it doesn't work I will be sad. Other than that I got bunch of other natural products. I am trying my absolute best to start living a complete healthy lifestyle.

I went to outback today which I shouldn't have!! aaaaah. Parents were so mad, who goes out to eat in a restaurant on eid? Specially when guests are coming over. Too tired to write anymore.

I hate how my thoughts are all over the place. It is only because...I want to write in details but I am exhausted not to mention I don't want one of the people I mention to stumble upon my blog and then make a big deal. (which has happened before) =(

Splurging money on Estee lauder and thoughts on Ramadan

splurged on Estee Lauder today...shame on me

I WILL MISS RAMADAN!!!!

My likes and dislike

Things about me

I seriously like something or dislike it. It is my best worst quality.
I am quite annoying. I always had great respect for people who put up with me sincerely. I guess it is easy for people to dislike me. And it hurts a lot when that happens
I always do my utterbest to do the right thing, even if it's not so pleasent for me.

Likes (loves...)

Babies! (my heart smiles seeing babies)
making lists
making plans which never come true
painting
Colors!!
writing about nothing
Thinking/analyzing/wondering why it happened/what did the person's eyes say
blogging
daydreaming
Dancing everytime when i hear music or don't hear music
humming
singing
really sweet music that go straight to heart
having some sort of debate
Intellectual coversations
Intelligent humor
Reading historical romance books
Make up!! absolutely love mascaras, eyeliners, eyeshadows)
Money!
Clothes, expensive clothes!
Beautiful jackets
High heeled Sandals
Perfumes
Belts
corsettes
Headbands
haircuts
Massages, spas, facials!
Studying fashion/style/beauty
water
Decorating!
well decorated places, nice furnitures
Castles
Windows
the sky
Crying to Allah
Islam
Islamic history
World history (I wish time traveling was possible because I would like to be around renaissance time..Not just European, but any renaissance)
Anatomy
Psychology
Internet
Youtube
East Asians (certain asian people ofcourse)
Middle eastern people
really fashionable people
people who smile a lot
Thoughtful people, who can think more than the average people.
People who can admit they made a mistake without any hesitation
Hardworkers/responsible people
Horses <-- Fav animal. I dream to own a arabian stallion or an Irish mare.
Healthy drinks which taste disgusting but I know it's good for me eg: apple cider vinegar)
Going out to eat!
Cooking!
Samosas!
Hummus
Shawarma
Gyros
Bengali style Tomato soup!
Fried noodles
Mangoes
Red apples
White chocolate with almond and coconut
romantic movies/shows that make me cry
laughing!! (love it love it love it)
Smiling! (I even smile at strangers)
A hot triangle (for movies and shows ofcourse)
friday
All my teachers/professors/coaches
Rain, getting wet in the rain!
When it's drizzling (love walking at that time)
Cool weather
Cold weather
NCIS (Ziva and Tony)
Barney Stinson!!!
Law and order svu
Hindi movies
Korean movies/dramas
Kpop (Dbsk/Super junior/ 2pm)
Dong Bang Shin Ki
Dong Bang Shin Ki
Dong Bang Shin Ki
The unique bonds dbsk member shares (soulmates, yoosu, 2u, kiss couple)
Airplanes (love traveling)
traveling
Different cultures! (for better or worse I can't bind myself to a single culture)
Expensive hotels
A fun luxurious vacation
talking about the good old days and what I want in the future
Hugs!!
Soccer/football (Germany!)


Dislikes (hates...)

when my plans don't come true
people who don't like me
Fights
Backbiting/ negative gossip
Noise
Liars
People who are not reliable (hate them!!)
People who can't give out accurate infrormation though they claim otherwise (detest them)
Ignorant people
uneducated people because they are ignorant.
Narrow minded people/ intolerant people
People who are silly to a point where they don't tend to be serious when needed.
Really rational people!
Irrational people
Judgemental people
Religion bashers, doesn't matter what religion it is. Criticism yes! Bashing no!
Math! (my nemesis)
Biology
My mom when she hurts me by saying things she doesn't mean (atleast she says she doesn't later on)
My sister when she is insensitive toward my feelings.
Friends who are not there when I need them.
Bengalis (of course it differs from person to person)
Guys who try too hard to become friends even though I barely know them.
Drama queen guys
People who use foul language, doesn't know how to show respect
Chocolates!! that includes candy bars, chocolate cakes, chocolate chip cookies.
socks
Sleep
wasting time
monday
hot weather
Bad quality products.
when I have to be polite because I don't want to hurt someone feelings.
Crying and knowing no one is really around, the feeling where I don't want to be a burden to someone

Things I wanted to write last night

Well I really wanted to write these last night but I had henna on my right hand. I am disabled without it.



Yesterday we went to the mosque. I didn't have to pray because it is that time of the month for me. Which made me sad, because it was a very important day.. " The night of Qadr" which is considered more pious than thousand nights. I love how so many different things happen in the mosque on the 27th! I was talking to someone yesterday and I told her there have been so many time I wanted to move away from tampa but then I realized how much i didn't want to leave this mosque. I never ever want to leave this place.

I got my henna done for $5 yesterday. A very very good price. She did a wonderful job. I had the type of work done before and the guy charged me $25. I tried to keep the henna on my hand overnight but I couldn't sleep. I struggled for a long time putting myself in weird positions. This morning when I woke to to fix the food for Suhoor my arm was killing me. The color came out nice, quite dark, between maroon and brown. I believe there is a saying if your henna color gets dark then your husband will really love you. Well mine rarely gets dark, wonder if that means if I will recieve no love my husband =(

Ps: It is official, I am getting younger with age. Everyone assumes I am 14-16. 4-5 years ago they used to assume I am 21/22.

Sad again

I cried a lot reading this. Silly of me to be so emotional. My whole internet history and my youtube favorites, and related videos are filled with 2pm videos that I saved over last few months. Because everytime I was tired and needed a break I watched them, now it's making me cry. I turned on my ipod after 2 days and it got to the middle of " I hate you" because that is the last song I played. I am so sad....it is slowly dawning on me that he left over something so LAME. I am sad because I like him so much but more than that I keep thinking what he must be going through...what did he think? losing so much for nothing....I want to hug him and tell him he rocks!!!

here is his friend's message...

" Hello this is Jaebeom's friend who was in the same class with him and I would like to share how Jaebeom lived at the time.
Jaebeom moved to study at our class for his 3rd year in high school. There was nothing special. I just heard that he was a JYP trainee from USA. I regarded him as an ordinary student. At first, he could not adjust himself to Korean cultures and barely spoke Korean. Jaebeom was not in acquaintance with friends and preferred to be alone. As time passed, he could finally get along with friends. We played basketball together. He seemed to be fond of physical education class the most. Since he had to part from his family and friends who he used to hang out and practiced dancing with in the States, he looked lonely at times. He was living by himself in a tough conditon as a trainee in Korea.

Jaebeom had a lot of things to do. He usually practiced singing during his free time or writing rap lyrics. He loved to go to the gym the most. I remembered inviting him for lunch but he rejected and only ate food with protein nourishment. How pity he was then. We were in the same basketball team. The friends in our class used to sing birthday songs to him. When we graduated, Jaebeom was trained full time at his company and one day he boasted to me that he was put into a group, 2PM and would be on national televisions. I knew that he worked so hard before he debuted with his first album.

Not only Jaebeom, I heard that all JYP trainees and staff also worked so hard. Even though Jaebeom had extreme tight schedules, during the second album promotion, he could come and join our alumni party. I was happy to see his confidence and shine coming from him which was different from the time he was still just a trainee where his future was in doubt. He told me that he liked Boom-hyung. Boom-hyung is a fun person who takes care of him so well. I knew that he was living a happy life at the time.

But, for the past few days, there were a controversial of Jaebeom's offending comments from his myspace. All those efforts he put were shattered in the blink of an eye. I tried to call him because I was so concerned. He told me he was at the airport and about to leave for USA. I asked if he'll ever come back. He said how could he when so many people hate him this much…

As a friend of Jaebeom, there is nothing I can do. I can only let him leave like that. His flight left at 6:30pm. I can only wish that he go back to have a better life with his family. Even in the US, I wish he still carry on and fulfill his dream. I would like to thank you all who loved my friend. Jaebeom Fighting!

"Now I think I have become a real Korean"
"I'm proud to be Korean"
"The Republic of Korea"
"Korean people are like stars, they dress so well comparing to me I dress like a pauper. Oh no, yes I am a pauper."
"I'm not familiar with English now, isn't it funny? Haha"
These messages were written by Jaebeom in 2006.

Looking at those messages, you can see that his attitude has changed.
He said he was proud to be Korean and he truly love Korea.

Please believe him.
Please don't judge him only by the message he wrote when he was a struggling trainee (4 years ago)
Please…"

All time favorite 2pm video..I saw this a long time ago and I knew it then that I would like them very much =(

Apart from this I am sad that my dad yelled at me. I really don't feel appreciated. That makes me sad. If it is because I am older than my siblings or because I am a daughter it doesn't make me feel any better.
Someday I would really like to go away from everything and truly do nothing......

A little sad

Where do I begin? ....I was really planning to write yesterday. Then I saw the news of Jay leaving 2pm and it broke my heart. It really depressed me. With Dbsk doing nothing these days 2pm became my only source of k-entertainment. I would laugh hysterically watching them over and over again. Now when I watch those they makes me cry. So I decided to not to write yesterday. Today it is almost the same. I am still sad that Jay left. It's unbelievable that netizens would take things this far. But heck I know I have gotten those comments before for not liking SRK .

Korean fans are probably the best fans in this world, but they are also the worst antis. I remember how someone tried to kill Yunho.

I met a korean guy..1. He is hot..2. He thinks I am cool. That's all for now. I got out quick before I embarassed myself further.

I stumbled upon a sad song yesterday..(lovely, extremely lovely sad song). I kept listening to it as I am doing right now. It makes me want to cry. I guess everything makes me want to cry.

We have guests coming over tomorrow. I am not sure how I will manage to clean the house and cook. I am already tired from fasting and I don't have time.

Last night I searched on one of my old blogs. It's really old about 5-6 years old. I was so immature. All the posts were written like this. " I am so0o0o0o0o0o0o0o haPPy or no0o0o0o0o, whAT shouLd I do?" Someone (don't want to take his name) said it looks like a 5th graders wiritng. I just hope 5th graders have better sense than that. I know that two months from now when I look back at this post I will find myself immature again. It always happens to me.

I wrote a Dbsk post yesterday in the car. my sister found it funny. I will post it later. Right now I am in a gloomy mood.

Running against the clock

Not sure why am I writing this. I just really hope while I write this I can figure out a way to sort everything.

Last night I stayed up so late to finish my work. In a way having a lot of work makes me very happy. (extremely happy) When everything is piled up I know I have to do one after another without any break in between. That feels nice. The only problem is prioritizing. All of them seem so important I am not sure which one to do first. I have been working nonstop since yesterday and I still have so much left. GAH!!

Fasting is going good. Finally I am easing into it. It doesn't seem all that bad anymore. I can now focus when I study. =] I get really irritated before iftar. Like when I am setting up the table and my brother or sister ask stupid questions. I lash out almost every other day. aah I am so ashamed to admit this but hunger is my worst weakness. It drives me nuts.


Things that are suppose to make me angry don't quite bother me. But silly things do. I have been trying to think about a lot of things these days without openly discussing it.

Question:
Is it immature to ask for things like gratitude or appreciation once in a while? or is it really wrong to expect people to do certain things without directly telling them? Like if I do something for someone all the time, shouldn't she do it for me too without me telling her?

-- Have to post bunch of posts on I-F.
-- Have to make loads of signatures.
-- Have to write around 4 articles for I-F this week..(umm hope so)
-- Have to finish watching partner, watch the latest take care of agasshi, and start on east of eden and my girl.
-- Have to cook for the whole mosque this week.
-- Have to finish counting the money for donation. (thinking about it makes my back hurt)
-- clean the closet and fix the clothes for donation.
-- Have to read Quran.
-- and have to study...::sigh::

aah I keep forgeting about this!! This is irritating me so much. I had a interview couple of weeks ago to become a mentor. I supposedly passed with flying colors but I have totally forgotten about it, and didn't contact them back. Now I am starting to wonder if they will take me as a mentor considering I totally forgot about them. I can't even come up with a good excuse for not contacting them. =( I lost my phone and internet is not working?? No lying on ramadan. Not that it's ever allowed.

I have to call back another lady who is from another mentoring teenagers program... aisssh!!! when am I suppose to do all these? =(

Writing felt good. Now that I have my to do list. I will try to get these done..within this week. (will keep praying! Allah help me!!)