The first day of Ramadan is done. I am almost done with the second day. 3 hours has never looked so long. The first couple of days are really hard to get through. The hours are long, it's hot. I hate waking up at midnight to eat. BUT it's all good. I can live through it. Actually I plan to do better than that. I will go through all of this with a smile :D
I have a headache today, a really terrible one. And I am already feeling proud that I am not letting it stop me from doing my things. Such as writing this post ;) I have let myself go in past few months. I stopped doing the things I love. For past 2-3 days I have been trying to change it. I think it's working out well.
I feel like sometime last year I started projecting myself as a negative person to my close circuit of family and friends. I wish to fix it. I am not negative. The critic in me does like to voice her opinion even if it means disagreeing with the large mass but I am NOT NEGATIVE!! I am usually an extremely positive person. So it's time to act like one.
I think my headache just disappeared. Time to go and do some work :D
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Ramadan Mubarak! New changes
Alhamdulillah! Ramadan couldn't have possibly come at a better time. I feel quite lost these days. It's weird. I mean I spend so much time pondering and self reflecting, so I would know where I stand at the moment. I hate the feeling of not knowing everything about me.
Last few years haven't been easy. I have been through a lot. And as much as I would like to feel happy about the fact that I am stronger now, I have realized I have become quite selfish. These days I put myself before everyone. I have never really done that in life before. And I really don't wish to continue. So I will try my best to go back to my old ways. What better time to start than Ramadan?
My second problem has been my relationship with others. One of the saddest truth about life is we get hurt by the people we love and care about. It happens. I know I do my share of hurting. But I think I also do my share of making up. Unfortunately people don't make up to me that often. I am cynical. I have been since I was like 16. I never believed in " love is all it takes". If I made someone miserable I wouldn't expect them stay near me. So in return I do not wish to stay near people who make me miserable. It has little do with love.
In last few years I have also realized how important understanding is in relationships. People are not psychics. But you do need to know what makes your loved ones happy, or what makes them sad. This year I have met some amazing people who I connected with right away. Sometimes it had to do with the fact that we were both going through the same thing, sometimes it had to do with the fact that we had a lot in common. But still we had a level of understanding. That's important for relationships. At least for me it is. If I can't understand someone or they can't understand me then the relationship is completely useless. I plan to move on from those and make a fresh start inshallah!
other than that I have a lot of studying to do! I hope to become more religious! I hope and hope and hope I will write more long posts. I will smile more and I will thank Allah for the chance to smile :D I will be grateful for everything I have. I will think of others before me. BUT for the first time in life I would do myself the favor and not worry about people who hurt me in any way, even if they happen to be people I love very much. I do feel I am somewhat contradicting myself. I just know it is time for me to move on.
Last few years haven't been easy. I have been through a lot. And as much as I would like to feel happy about the fact that I am stronger now, I have realized I have become quite selfish. These days I put myself before everyone. I have never really done that in life before. And I really don't wish to continue. So I will try my best to go back to my old ways. What better time to start than Ramadan?
My second problem has been my relationship with others. One of the saddest truth about life is we get hurt by the people we love and care about. It happens. I know I do my share of hurting. But I think I also do my share of making up. Unfortunately people don't make up to me that often. I am cynical. I have been since I was like 16. I never believed in " love is all it takes". If I made someone miserable I wouldn't expect them stay near me. So in return I do not wish to stay near people who make me miserable. It has little do with love.
In last few years I have also realized how important understanding is in relationships. People are not psychics. But you do need to know what makes your loved ones happy, or what makes them sad. This year I have met some amazing people who I connected with right away. Sometimes it had to do with the fact that we were both going through the same thing, sometimes it had to do with the fact that we had a lot in common. But still we had a level of understanding. That's important for relationships. At least for me it is. If I can't understand someone or they can't understand me then the relationship is completely useless. I plan to move on from those and make a fresh start inshallah!
other than that I have a lot of studying to do! I hope to become more religious! I hope and hope and hope I will write more long posts. I will smile more and I will thank Allah for the chance to smile :D I will be grateful for everything I have. I will think of others before me. BUT for the first time in life I would do myself the favor and not worry about people who hurt me in any way, even if they happen to be people I love very much. I do feel I am somewhat contradicting myself. I just know it is time for me to move on.
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