Ramadan Mubarak! New changes

Alhamdulillah! Ramadan couldn't have possibly come at a better time. I feel quite lost these days. It's weird. I mean I spend so much time pondering and self reflecting, so I would know where I stand at the moment. I hate the feeling of not knowing everything about me.

Last few years haven't been easy. I have been through a lot. And as much as I would like to feel happy about the fact that I am stronger now, I have realized I have become quite selfish. These days I put myself before everyone. I have never really done that in life before. And I really don't wish to continue. So I will try my best to go back to my old ways. What better time to start than Ramadan?

My second problem has been my relationship with others. One of the saddest truth about life is we get hurt by the people we love and care about. It happens. I know I do my share of hurting. But I think I also do my share of making up. Unfortunately people don't make up to me that often. I am cynical. I have been since I was like 16. I never believed in " love is all it takes". If I made someone miserable I wouldn't expect them stay near me. So in return I do not wish to stay near people who make me miserable. It has little do with love.

In last few years I have also realized how important understanding is in relationships. People are not psychics. But you do need to know what makes your loved ones happy, or what makes them sad. This year I have met some amazing people who I connected with right away. Sometimes it had to do with the fact that we were both going through the same thing, sometimes it had to do with the fact that we had a lot in common. But still we had a level of understanding. That's important for relationships. At least for me it is. If I can't understand someone or they can't understand me then the relationship is completely useless. I plan to move on from those and make a fresh start inshallah!

other than that I have a lot of studying to do! I hope to become more religious! I hope and hope and hope I will write more long posts. I will smile more and I will thank Allah for the chance to smile :D I will be grateful for everything I have. I will think of others before me. BUT for the first time in life I would do myself the favor and not worry about people who hurt me in any way, even if they happen to be people I love very much. I do feel I am somewhat contradicting myself. I just know it is time for me to move on.