Random thoughts after a day of doing NOTHING!

Just have random thoughts that I felt like penning down. I have been quite sick lately. I do get sick easily. I am trying not to let it bother me. But unfortunately it does. I have tried and almost succeded in making sure that my stupid health doesn't stop me from my daily activities. I have stopped fasting though. I can't fast because I do need to take my medicine during the day. It's bugging me. It's bothering me even more that I can't help my mom. Specially at night and in the morning. She ends up doing the kitchen work all by herself.

So I ended up watching a lot of tv today. Since I couldn't really move from my bed much it sounded like a great idea. On b4u they played all songs of jab we met. I love that movie. It's just so simple and cute. I proudly say I am picky about movies. Not that it's good thing but it works great for me. So when I really like a movie (good or bad) I hold it close to me, knowing it actually meant something to me. Jab we met is quite special. Everytime I watch it it feels good. Another reason for liking it is probably my view toward life. I happily make my mistakes. I don't have much regrets. I believe whatever I am today is because of every little mistake I made. I do trust in god but tomorrow if I land somewhere bad I want to take the full responsibility of it. I want to say it's my fault and not blame others. I dislike people who always blame others.

Now I really didn't bring up jab we met to talk about life, but about the song tum se hi. The song is beautiful. I love it. It's a song I can listen to 100 times and not lose the magic. I actually ended up writing a whole story just based on the song. Imagine how much I loved the song to write a whole fanfiction on it. Everytime I would sit with my pen I would play the song and wait for scene to play in my head. So few months ago I was watching kuchh is tara and tumse hi was playing. And I realized not a single chord in my heart felt something. How weird was that? I loved that couple and I love the song. I thought the song was meant for them. I could close my eyes picture the song and them and write forever. How could I not feel anything? I felt so bad that the song lost it's magic for me. I really questioned myself. Then I saw the song today and everything came floating back. The song is still beautiful. It's still magical. It didn't lose it's magic. The couple lost the magic. I couldn't feel anything because there was nothing to feel with the couple. Hence I completely had to erase them from my precious couple list.


Then I ended up watching house. It felt good. I don't get to watch a lot of tv so it felt really good. Can I just say the show is brilliant. I love it. I never understood why the show has the most number of viewers but now I do. It's brilliant. And it's not even because jesse is so delicious. I think I 1st fell for jesse about 7-8 years ago. he completely changed me as a person. It's dumb but it's true. I saw the movie winning london and he was one of the delegates in the M. united nations conference. I was so mesmerized by him I made it up in my mind I will join M.U.N and find my own british hottie. From then to now I am a dedicated MUN member. I do love what I do and I genuinly care about it. Actually no! I care about it with a passion. One time I had to miss a day of my conference because our sponser couldn't make it, I cried for hours!! My parents were so scared. Politics matter to me. I care about darfur, I care about the civil fights in Africa, I care what happens to Israel-Palestine. I don't just feel sorry for the kids in Africa, I want to help them. And I consider my life to be worthless if I can't do that much. So for now I like fundraising money for UNICEF but I know the money probably doesn't get to them. It does make me sleep a little better at night knowign I am trying. Maybe someday I will be lucky enought o do the work personally. So I guess in a way I owe all this to Jesse! I doubt I would've joined MUN if I didn't find him such a cutie.

Back to HOUSE! It's an amazing show. Anyone who hasn't seen it should really see it. Dr. House is just so sexy. His personality ...wow! I can't even find words for it. It's one thing to like jerks but he is more than a jerk. He just so damn interesting. I usually like writing about people but I don't want to write about his. Because I can't find the right words. And even if I managed to think of something I couldn't do justice to his character. I can even write about my love Akash but I can't write about Dr. House. His attitude and everything is so addicting. My god he has gotten lots of awards for this role but if it was upto me I would bring him all the awards in this universe. The scenes when he knws he has won the battle, or when he doesn't care at all, his quick wiity remarks, or his amazing scene of suffering fromt he pain and fighting the addiction to painkillers. I could never get tired of his sick jokes, or his games. Or how ruthless he is. He is so smart and aahhh!! he is not smart. he is a genius. The way he solves little problems. I would become a doctor if doctors were as amazing as him. Wait no! I am becoming a doctor and the sad truth is doctors aren't as sexy as him. It's easy to find jerks but it's hard to find sexy intelligent jerks like him. They don't even exsist! But that's ok! I will just dream that they do!

Dr. James Wilson: You stole my patient.

Dr. Gregory House: You kidnapped my guitar.

Dr. James Wilson: Give him back.

Dr. Gregory House: Only when you give her back.

Dr. James Wilson: It's a she?

Dr. Gregory House: Well, it's certainly not a dude.

Dr. James Wilson: It's a guitar! You took a human being!

Dr. Gregory House: Now who doesn't have a sense of humor?

Okie enough writing! I will write about NCIS some other day!! Good night!

so fun!!

Last week I wrote this very very very long post while I was crying about my sis. I asked her to get me a glass of cold water. I was exhausted and she refused. I was hurt considering I make chocolate milk for her at 2 am during her weird cravings . So I wrote a long post about my hurt feelings! Then I decided to get my water only to find out my glass is filled with cold water. All that writing for nothing!!

Anyways so that day I promised myself I will write a happy entry soon. Because I always end up writing when I am sad! So here I am.

To write this I had to put my apple away! Didn't feel I could criticise someone properly with one hand!

So I was reading an article about this actor Ali Merchant gifting his girlfriend Sara khan!

“I am going to gift Sara a white SX4 as she loves the colour. The car will be delivered at 4 pm and then I will decide whether to go to the sets of Bidaai or call Sara to my place. I am sure she will be shocked to see her gift.”
But why a car? “I recently bought a Safari Dicor and Sara was so excited to see it that she said that even she would start saving for a new and bigger car. So I just thought of fulfilling her wish,” answers Ali.
Does she know about it? “No, she will completely surprised. I have been planning it since the last eight days and I have kept it all hush-hush. After gifting her the car we will go for a quiet dinner with friends like Jay Bhanushali , Jatin Shah and his girlfriend Priya Bhatija and Abigail.”

Have only one thing to ask? If it's a surprise why are you telling us moron?

Weeping from joy!

I really had no plans to write but I wanted to. Ever weeped from pure joy?
I read some muslim revert stories and they state weeping from pure joy. I believe them. Someone who all of a sudden realizes they have found their way. Wow what a revelation! I am 19 yrs old and I have been a muslim all my life. I was even born in Saudi Arabia where there was religion all around me. But I still weep from joy when I realize how amazing it is. I was crying few seconds ago!

Few things that got to me was a former christian now a muslim brother saying he was shocked to see how much importance is given to god in Islam. He admires how muslims leave their daily routine to pray 5 times a day. And I started crying. I still want to cry. Why not??? Why shouldn't we put god before everything else. He created us. He gave us life. He gives us food. He gives us family, he gives us air to breath in. He made us into such beautiful functioning people. Praying is the least I can do to thank him. I remember once I was talking to some pig eating moron (nothing againt people who do, it's your business but this moron really pushed my buttons) who said " oh we don't need 5 times a day to pray to god, we can do it any time" Dear idiot! we do salah 5 times a day. We don't need scheduled times to pray to our god. I personally love it when I meet someone muslim I say "salam" It's simple. It's my way of daily life and in the most simplest way I pray for a fellow bro or sis to my Allah. When I eat or do anything I say bismillah again I pray to my Allah. When I see something beautiful I say Mashallah. Again I prayed to my god. When I make plans I say inshallah that will happen. Again I prayed to my god. So anyone who comes to argue with me that another religion shows more love for God than my religion you know you are wrong! How many times have I seen SRK or other stars say Inshallah? They just prayed right there saying yes it will happen if Allah is willing. We remember god in everything we do.

Another lady said she was searching for a religion for quite some time as she was not happy being a catholic. She used the phrase " it was a like a coat that didn't seem to fit" She had questions that couldn't be answered. She was also shocked to find out bible was written 300 years after Jesus' death. And they actually took a vote to decide if jesus was divine or not. So yes obviously she went on a path to search God. She asked a muslim brother tell me about your religion all he said was " It is a beautiful religion, a simple religion, part of life" she was shocked as she always saw religion as something burdensome and a duty. Never the way of life or something beautiful. But that is islam. It's just a simple way of life. It lets you live a good complete life.


Anyways I am really hungry. It's the month of shaban! I already missed precious days I could've used to fast. I will start fasting from tomorrow! So excited. I am already excited about the month of Ramadan. Subhanallah! 30 days of fasting you would expect people to be sad. Seriously a month of no eating, or anything bad yet muslims around the world look forward to this month like no other and they get sad when it's over. My friend Avi always asked me last year why do you fast again. I said " so I can understand what the poor is feeling" He said " ok that makes sense but you don't need to fast whole 30 days to be nicer to poors. you can just do it on your own" I always ended the conversation right there saying " you won't understand as you would have to be a muslim to get it" It's beautiful. This calm feeling washes over you. It feels like all of a sudden your soul has been cleaned. You feel closer to god. You feel closer to yourself. You actually look at all the muslims who are fasting just like someone who is your own. A lot of places promote unity but no one does it like us muslim brothers and sisters. We don't promote brotherhood or sisterhood. We practice it. We are brothers and sisters in the truest sense. We pray together. We really really really pray together. I find it amazing to know when I am praying to god all my other muslim brothers and sisters are praying to the same god exactly like me. When I have starved myself the whole day I know all my other sisters have done just the same and they are loving it as much as I do. In a daily world I swear I have problems against other ethnic groups. I am ashamed to say it but I really do have problem with other ethnic groups. But never in my life have I ever had anything against another muslim brother or sister because of their ethnicity. It's not done on purpose. It's natural. It's not that I choose not to have a problem with them because they are muslim. Not at all! I see no difference between me and another brother or sister. There is no division be he ten times richer than me or poorer. On eids when I go to the mosque I would see the indonasian ladies in their ethnic outfits, then comes the arabs wearing their outfits, then the african woman with their colorful traditional garbs, the indian, pakis, bengalis with their sarees and salwars kameez. Did I paint a picture?? Isn't that beautiful??!!!! It's like the whole world has gotten together to worship one God. They are all part of the beautiful ummah. Everyone is so different from each other! They look different, they talk different and eat different and let me tell you they smell different too! Usually I can tell from smell where they are from! But all these wondeful people just smile at each other say " salam sister (may peace be upon you)" It's a true prayer and a very sincere smile! Because I know fake smiles. I paste a fake smile on my face everytime my mom puts me infront of her friends. But those smiles are truly sincere as I give one myself. I really smile at those strangers with love. Which other religion brings such a diveresed group together? Everyone is respected the same way, treated the same way! They all have the same position! I think all religion promotes good values such as love one another. But how many people actually love a brother or sister in religion. I do! When I sit down next to a complete stranger to pray I truly consider her my sister. And I know she probably does the same!


I will end today's note here. I don't consider my self religious at all. I do many wrong things. But I love my Allah! And nothing will stop me from loving him or appreciating the beautiful religion he gave me that's truly perfect in everyway!!

I finally let it out

so after a long time I have cried today. To be honest it feels really good. I cried and cried and cried till I felt like I should stop now. I didn't want to cry. I have been holding it for so long. But I just covered my face and started crying. To my surprise I feel calm now!
I think I still have to cry some more. There are many reasons why a drama queen like me cries. For one when my sister is mean to me, or when I see something sad. But today I cried because I am confused. (Allah help me). But thank you for giving me the strength to hold these tears back for so long.

I would like to write more. but I just wanted to write that today

I cried !